Back when Jim first arrived, the abruptness of the whole affair left us both somewhat rattled. For some reason, I reacted to this by doing a lot of nervous chattering, which probably didn't help the situation all that much, but...well, neither of us were winning points for supreme eloquence. At one point, this exchange occurred:
Me: So I guess I'm sort of attracted to- uh, I mean, not physically attracted 'cause, no offense, but you're kinda old-
Jim: [indignant] I'm thirty-five!
At the time I took him at his word but never paid all that much attention to the information because I certainly didn't know what age the character was in canon. That was that until recently, when I remembered this talk and became curious enough to actually look the dates up. Imagine my surprise when I found out that the actor who plays Jim in the show he is sourced from - in effect, the man who is the exact physical double of him - would have indeed been thirty-five when we had that exchange.
It's almost as cool as the Charleston thing.
Showing posts with label soulbonding. Show all posts
Showing posts with label soulbonding. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Friday, April 2, 2010
Dust in the Guest Rooms
It occurs to me I haven't actually said anything about the State Of Upstairs for a while, though in my defense there aren't many who are likely to care.
Killy is still a coyote. I still dance around the word 'settled' as though it is wearing a slinky black dress and has a rose clenched in its teeth. For a while, during an overseas trip, he adjusted his colouration to an interesting mix of his usual yellow and a lightish grey; it was somewhat reminiscent of this. It did not last longer than the few weeks, however, and he has since resumed his usual fur colour.
There are no tenants at all on hand, and it has been this way for a few months now. Alex never returned from wherever he went. Maybe he will one day, but maybe he won't, and as fond as I was of him it is hard to feel too sad about the matter when I know he was never entirely content being 'stuck'. Likewise, Jim has quietly vanished from the apartment. I don't think it too likely he'll return, though as I did have much say in his appearance in the first place, I couldn't say any predictions would be accurate. As I can keep a sort of an eye on him via his ongoing canon, it's not as complete a parting as it could be anyway.
So it's rather 'empty' upstairs. I have to admit, I'm not particularly unhappy about this. While it was never a major inconvenience having people around, it wasn't a huge, positive influence on my daily life either. Maybe if I didn't have a habit of attracting adult men with other concerns...
Killy is still a coyote. I still dance around the word 'settled' as though it is wearing a slinky black dress and has a rose clenched in its teeth. For a while, during an overseas trip, he adjusted his colouration to an interesting mix of his usual yellow and a lightish grey; it was somewhat reminiscent of this. It did not last longer than the few weeks, however, and he has since resumed his usual fur colour.
There are no tenants at all on hand, and it has been this way for a few months now. Alex never returned from wherever he went. Maybe he will one day, but maybe he won't, and as fond as I was of him it is hard to feel too sad about the matter when I know he was never entirely content being 'stuck'. Likewise, Jim has quietly vanished from the apartment. I don't think it too likely he'll return, though as I did have much say in his appearance in the first place, I couldn't say any predictions would be accurate. As I can keep a sort of an eye on him via his ongoing canon, it's not as complete a parting as it could be anyway.
So it's rather 'empty' upstairs. I have to admit, I'm not particularly unhappy about this. While it was never a major inconvenience having people around, it wasn't a huge, positive influence on my daily life either. Maybe if I didn't have a habit of attracting adult men with other concerns...
Friday, July 10, 2009
Social Links
Although I have a number of personal traits that seem to be shared by other soulbonders, I've never really had a great many headfriends of the 'self-aware' sort, as I term it, and those that I have had I've never been enormously close with. Recently I found myself wondering if part that wasn't perhaps the fact I tend to 'bond' most closely with characters who are known for being intensely - even obsessively - loyal.
How does this influence the state of my mind? Well, I bond with them, not the people they are in turn dedicated to. If they end up in here, as has happened twice, their people do not come with them, and for most that's an intensely irritating position to be in! Alex grew increasingly frustrated at the lack of his sister, and though Jim's circumstances are somewhat different, he does still miss his family. A number of other characters I feel connections with would likewise be anywhere between annoyed and distressed should they find themselves separated, and...it's not a connection I therefore want to encourage, really, knowing that.
I know other systems have ways to circumvent this. The soulbonds find ways to travel 'back', or find ways to bring their loved ones with them. As of yet, none of us have managed any of this, and I can't do much more than shrug and say perhaps that is not the way my mind works. It would not bother me overmuch, and I would in fact not be miserable if I severed myself off from having self-aware bonds because of it. Unfortunately, my mind does not seem to work that way either.
(And no, I am not attempting to update a little more frequently because I recently found out there is at least one person reading this. You may stop laughing, single reader.)
How does this influence the state of my mind? Well, I bond with them, not the people they are in turn dedicated to. If they end up in here, as has happened twice, their people do not come with them, and for most that's an intensely irritating position to be in! Alex grew increasingly frustrated at the lack of his sister, and though Jim's circumstances are somewhat different, he does still miss his family. A number of other characters I feel connections with would likewise be anywhere between annoyed and distressed should they find themselves separated, and...it's not a connection I therefore want to encourage, really, knowing that.
I know other systems have ways to circumvent this. The soulbonds find ways to travel 'back', or find ways to bring their loved ones with them. As of yet, none of us have managed any of this, and I can't do much more than shrug and say perhaps that is not the way my mind works. It would not bother me overmuch, and I would in fact not be miserable if I severed myself off from having self-aware bonds because of it. Unfortunately, my mind does not seem to work that way either.
(And no, I am not attempting to update a little more frequently because I recently found out there is at least one person reading this. You may stop laughing, single reader.)
Monday, June 1, 2009
Status
I'm a terribly infrequent blogger, aren't I? On the upside, after a month or two I tend to have something interesting to report on, and if I don't then there's almost certainly something else I can ramble about.
The group's status has shifted somewhat in the last while. Killy and I are still ever-present, as you'd expect; we don't talk as much as we used to when younger, and rat seems to be the form of choice lately, but we're otherwise the same. I still feel like coyote is what best represents me, and I'm still holding off on declaring myself settled. He still thinks I make stupid choices too frequently for my own good.
Alex is still absent. It's been...hmm. A few months at least, so his longest stint yet. I don't think I can call it a permanent absence, as it still feels like there's a place for him here, but he's certainly Gone for now. I hope whatever he's doing, be it an activity or a restful hibernation, is working out for him. Perhaps he's found a way back to his sister. I know that would make him happy.
However, as of yesterday the relative quiet (because he was so noisy) has been broken by the highly spontaneous arrival of someone I honestly would never have expected. Unlike with Alex, there was no gradual fading in, nor even a recent immersing in his source - Jim was just there. Understandably we were both rather startled, and several hours was dedicated towards, erm, a great deal of flailing and attempted sorting out of things. (One day, one day I will greet an headstranger and not sound like a psychotic babbling child.) Eventually I managed to call up one of Alex's old haunts - a sizeable apartment/house with more than enough room for a single person - and Jim's settled in there.
The means of his arrival are not the only unusual point; Jim is what the soulbonding community tends to term an 'outsource', in that he came from a 'fictional source' outside my own creation. Discussions regarding reality can get very complicated when it comes to soulbonding, so I hope you'll excuse me if I skip lightly over that. Like Alex, he has strong ties to his world and to certain people within it, but unlike Alex his position there is one where he's unable to do anything in any case. I believe it is this more than anything that is making him consider staying here, at least until things change enough for it to be worth going back. The decisions haven't been finalised, however, so nothing is very certain right now.
So things have been just a touch chaotic! Hopefully we'll manage to find some sort of a rhythm sooner rather than later. Should Alex return while Jim is there, things will be interesting; I've never before had two self-aware headmates at any one time within the same space. They're both adults, though, so I have faith they'd work something out.
The group's status has shifted somewhat in the last while. Killy and I are still ever-present, as you'd expect; we don't talk as much as we used to when younger, and rat seems to be the form of choice lately, but we're otherwise the same. I still feel like coyote is what best represents me, and I'm still holding off on declaring myself settled. He still thinks I make stupid choices too frequently for my own good.
Alex is still absent. It's been...hmm. A few months at least, so his longest stint yet. I don't think I can call it a permanent absence, as it still feels like there's a place for him here, but he's certainly Gone for now. I hope whatever he's doing, be it an activity or a restful hibernation, is working out for him. Perhaps he's found a way back to his sister. I know that would make him happy.
However, as of yesterday the relative quiet (because he was so noisy) has been broken by the highly spontaneous arrival of someone I honestly would never have expected. Unlike with Alex, there was no gradual fading in, nor even a recent immersing in his source - Jim was just there. Understandably we were both rather startled, and several hours was dedicated towards, erm, a great deal of flailing and attempted sorting out of things. (One day, one day I will greet an headstranger and not sound like a psychotic babbling child.) Eventually I managed to call up one of Alex's old haunts - a sizeable apartment/house with more than enough room for a single person - and Jim's settled in there.
The means of his arrival are not the only unusual point; Jim is what the soulbonding community tends to term an 'outsource', in that he came from a 'fictional source' outside my own creation. Discussions regarding reality can get very complicated when it comes to soulbonding, so I hope you'll excuse me if I skip lightly over that. Like Alex, he has strong ties to his world and to certain people within it, but unlike Alex his position there is one where he's unable to do anything in any case. I believe it is this more than anything that is making him consider staying here, at least until things change enough for it to be worth going back. The decisions haven't been finalised, however, so nothing is very certain right now.
So things have been just a touch chaotic! Hopefully we'll manage to find some sort of a rhythm sooner rather than later. Should Alex return while Jim is there, things will be interesting; I've never before had two self-aware headmates at any one time within the same space. They're both adults, though, so I have faith they'd work something out.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Mammalian Scalian
Hmm. Haven't posted to here for a while. Honestly, there's been very little worth noting; while a few things have happened here and there, occurances on the inside can be so fluid I'm rather wary of making any definitive statements lest the situation change two days later. I can say for certain that Alex has been quiet for a long time now. A permanent change? I'm not sure.
Killy's also mostly abandoned kingfisher, but hasn't returned to favouring coyote. Instead he has picked up Cameroon scaly-tail, a fuzzy-tailed rodent with scales at the base of its tail. I will say that these smaller forms are a relief when it comes to crowds, given that I'm no longer imagining a largish canine squeezing itself through impossible gaps.
Killy's also mostly abandoned kingfisher, but hasn't returned to favouring coyote. Instead he has picked up Cameroon scaly-tail, a fuzzy-tailed rodent with scales at the base of its tail. I will say that these smaller forms are a relief when it comes to crowds, given that I'm no longer imagining a largish canine squeezing itself through impossible gaps.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Linguistical
Lately I've been having a number of gripes with terminology across both the daemonism and soulbonding spheres, and it's beginning to get rather frustrating. It is difficult to talk about concepts so founded in abstract if you aren't certain of the words, or the meaning they'll have to people.
Daemonism isn't so much of a problem for the most part. There is an accepted set of terms shared by the community, which is helped along by the fact that there is really only one main community. Some words are used far less than others, but the core terms remain a constant. Unfortunately, I have come to quibble with the specific definition of one of the most fundamental terms - 'settled'. At some point I once decided that there were two parts that made up settledness: a personality stable enough that it is likely to be much the same decades from now, and an animal form that accurately represents that personality. I have the latter...but am reluctant to claim the former. But at the same time, if I can apply a form, a form that has fit me for some time now and seems to only continue doing so, am I being overcautious? I am not settled form unknown, I do not wish to call myself settled, and yet I am not unsettled. It's come to the point where I've essentially dropped the term entirely when it comes to talking about myself, which can be difficult in certain conversations.
In contrast, soulbonding - and I use even that word uncertainly - provides a great deal more strife as it is a veritable minefield of words and phrases that are completely inconsistent. Unlike daemonism, there is no central community, and thus no set terminology. The word 'soulbonding' means different things depending on which group or, hell, which individual you talk to. The same goes for 'headmate', 'flickerbond', 'muse', and a dozen other terms. 'Fronting' has been referred to as 'channelling' and at least once 'roleplaying'. A 'headspace' could just as easily be a 'headscape' or a 'soulscape'. And this is without attempting to delve into the myriad of personal terms people develop, possibly as a result of others to turn to.
I (mostly) know what happens within my mind, but it becomes increasingly harder to know how to explain it to others. Naturally, I could work out my own set of terms - and, in some ways, have already begun to out of sheer necessity, considering how often I reference 'flickers' - but I can't help but think this only compounds the problem.
Unfortunately, it's not as though I can rally the soulbonding communities and demand set terms. There are too many different beliefs and experiences squashed under that one umbrella.
Daemonism isn't so much of a problem for the most part. There is an accepted set of terms shared by the community, which is helped along by the fact that there is really only one main community. Some words are used far less than others, but the core terms remain a constant. Unfortunately, I have come to quibble with the specific definition of one of the most fundamental terms - 'settled'. At some point I once decided that there were two parts that made up settledness: a personality stable enough that it is likely to be much the same decades from now, and an animal form that accurately represents that personality. I have the latter...but am reluctant to claim the former. But at the same time, if I can apply a form, a form that has fit me for some time now and seems to only continue doing so, am I being overcautious? I am not settled form unknown, I do not wish to call myself settled, and yet I am not unsettled. It's come to the point where I've essentially dropped the term entirely when it comes to talking about myself, which can be difficult in certain conversations.
In contrast, soulbonding - and I use even that word uncertainly - provides a great deal more strife as it is a veritable minefield of words and phrases that are completely inconsistent. Unlike daemonism, there is no central community, and thus no set terminology. The word 'soulbonding' means different things depending on which group or, hell, which individual you talk to. The same goes for 'headmate', 'flickerbond', 'muse', and a dozen other terms. 'Fronting' has been referred to as 'channelling' and at least once 'roleplaying'. A 'headspace' could just as easily be a 'headscape' or a 'soulscape'. And this is without attempting to delve into the myriad of personal terms people develop, possibly as a result of others to turn to.
I (mostly) know what happens within my mind, but it becomes increasingly harder to know how to explain it to others. Naturally, I could work out my own set of terms - and, in some ways, have already begun to out of sheer necessity, considering how often I reference 'flickers' - but I can't help but think this only compounds the problem.
Unfortunately, it's not as though I can rally the soulbonding communities and demand set terms. There are too many different beliefs and experiences squashed under that one umbrella.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Surf and Sand
If I were to ever doubt my love of the beach, I would only have to look to Kilmaeyon for proof otherwise. My coyote, my sardonic, brusque, occasionally caustic daemon...goes completely goofy. The moment we hit the sand he is alert, ears pricked forward and a loping bounce to his step. A section is claimed, towel placed down with keys carefully wrapped inside, and then we turn to the surf. He bounds amongst the shallow waves, snapping at the froth and shaking free of the rolling breakers, pushing forward until it is so deep he is forced to paddle, fur fanning from his body in a golden fringe.
It is then he changes. The restrictions we so frequently battle against are eased by the simple fact coyotes are not built for the sea, and soon enough there is a pale-furred sea otter floating alongside me, cresting low waves on his back only to bolt under the surface and dart about me as something bigger comes crashing down. He laughs, a solid sound compared to his quiet chuckles, chasing imaginary fish.
This last holiday I was fortunate to have the opportunity to spend several hours riding a family friend's jet ski; it is a canine's delightful dream, streaking across the surface of light-speckled water with the wind drying the spray from your face almost before it has landed. Killy accepted the challenge with no hesitation, a grey splash of dolphin easily keeping up, flicking his tail to arch through the air in glee, circling about us in impatient acrobatics should we be forced to slow. If we fell he would roll in encouragement, perhaps offer his own incentive by stretching his form into that of the shark, grinning a sinister approval as I scramble to climb aboard again. And when tired of this racing, desiring closeness, a damp scrap of harvest mouse clings to my shoulder just below my ear, thin tail streaming out behind.
It was also a holiday that followed a period where I have communicated with Alex more frequently than ever before, and so for the first time I was able to hear his opinion on the happenings, however brief. For all that he was born on the coast, he has no recollection of spending any time at beaches, and so seemed to regard the sea and its tumbling surf with apprehensive awe. He was not, unfortunately, remotely interested in sharing many related experiences, and indeed countered my request to "see what jet skiing's like!" with an alarmed "Why?"
It is then he changes. The restrictions we so frequently battle against are eased by the simple fact coyotes are not built for the sea, and soon enough there is a pale-furred sea otter floating alongside me, cresting low waves on his back only to bolt under the surface and dart about me as something bigger comes crashing down. He laughs, a solid sound compared to his quiet chuckles, chasing imaginary fish.
This last holiday I was fortunate to have the opportunity to spend several hours riding a family friend's jet ski; it is a canine's delightful dream, streaking across the surface of light-speckled water with the wind drying the spray from your face almost before it has landed. Killy accepted the challenge with no hesitation, a grey splash of dolphin easily keeping up, flicking his tail to arch through the air in glee, circling about us in impatient acrobatics should we be forced to slow. If we fell he would roll in encouragement, perhaps offer his own incentive by stretching his form into that of the shark, grinning a sinister approval as I scramble to climb aboard again. And when tired of this racing, desiring closeness, a damp scrap of harvest mouse clings to my shoulder just below my ear, thin tail streaming out behind.
It was also a holiday that followed a period where I have communicated with Alex more frequently than ever before, and so for the first time I was able to hear his opinion on the happenings, however brief. For all that he was born on the coast, he has no recollection of spending any time at beaches, and so seemed to regard the sea and its tumbling surf with apprehensive awe. He was not, unfortunately, remotely interested in sharing many related experiences, and indeed countered my request to "see what jet skiing's like!" with an alarmed "Why?"
Monday, September 29, 2008
General Business
Alex and I have been spending time alternately discussing his sister in order to try and strike up a connection with her, and seeing if we can't craft a bit of the headspace into a suitable living area for he and possibly/hopefully she. He quite likes my memory of my grandparents' old place, but that comes complete with all the exact furniture and whatnot, which I tend to find a little eerie. I can't help but be somewhat worried that if he did take up residence there, the new memories would get mixed up with the old ones. But there's no real hurry at the moment, so we'll continue looking.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Night On the Town
On Monday (now why would I post these things as they actually happen?) I spent most of the day finishing an assignment and handing it in. After that I decided that was it for my bloody work-related effort for the day and skipped my tute for a trip to the city.
The daemon would like to take this moment to interject and point out that the author is a very bad person and her work ethic should not be emulated under any circumstances.
Alex turned out to be in a rather tolerant mood, and so after purchasing dinner I decided to take the opportunity to drag him around a bit of my city while he indulgently listened to my excited ramblings ("You've finally had the chance to travel, you might as well enjoy it!") and Killy pulled that lazy grin of his. Most of the movies ran too late given that I wanted to be home by eight at the latest, so we simply wandered while I conducted the scattiest tour known to man.
It turned out they had temporarily erected an absolutely enormous ferris wheel next to the river, and I figured that was entertainment enough, and forked over fifteen dollars for a ride (it was a very fancy ferris wheel; AC and all). There was an amusing moment in the line when the lady was collecting my ticket and asked if it was just me, for I very nearly replied, "What? No, I'm with him," before recalling that him didn't exactly count to the majority of the corporeal world. So, frankly, it was quite a deal, with fifteen dollars for two adults and a coyote - bargain.
And then I bought icecream with cookie dough because one should never pass up icecream with cookie dough.
All in all, a much more preferable night to slumping in uncomfortable chairs and pretending to care about my classmates poetry, don't you agree?
(Remember - very bad person.)
The daemon would like to take this moment to interject and point out that the author is a very bad person and her work ethic should not be emulated under any circumstances.
Alex turned out to be in a rather tolerant mood, and so after purchasing dinner I decided to take the opportunity to drag him around a bit of my city while he indulgently listened to my excited ramblings ("You've finally had the chance to travel, you might as well enjoy it!") and Killy pulled that lazy grin of his. Most of the movies ran too late given that I wanted to be home by eight at the latest, so we simply wandered while I conducted the scattiest tour known to man.
It turned out they had temporarily erected an absolutely enormous ferris wheel next to the river, and I figured that was entertainment enough, and forked over fifteen dollars for a ride (it was a very fancy ferris wheel; AC and all). There was an amusing moment in the line when the lady was collecting my ticket and asked if it was just me, for I very nearly replied, "What? No, I'm with him," before recalling that him didn't exactly count to the majority of the corporeal world. So, frankly, it was quite a deal, with fifteen dollars for two adults and a coyote - bargain.
And then I bought icecream with cookie dough because one should never pass up icecream with cookie dough.
All in all, a much more preferable night to slumping in uncomfortable chairs and pretending to care about my classmates poetry, don't you agree?
(Remember - very bad person.)
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Homecoming Queen
Alex returned yesterday. Seems well. Also seems ready to start trying a few techniques suggested. Wish us luck.
Monday, September 15, 2008
Package for Riverside
I sent Alex a letter: "Where are you?"
He sent one back yesterday: "I'm fine."
Oh yeah, we've got this communication thing down good.
He sent one back yesterday: "I'm fine."
Oh yeah, we've got this communication thing down good.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Operation: Family Reunion
A month or two ago I had the unpleasant experience of noticing a substantial amount of frustration echoing from Alex's end. As if this weren't concerning enough, some of the frustration appeared to be directed at myself, and so naturally I was anxious to understand the cause of this unhappiness and what I could do in order to alleviate it. Alex was not initially cooperative - I think he may have had some doubts regarding my ability to help, largely centred around my age - but eventually we managed to find time and, a touch grudgingly, willingness to talk.
It turned out to be largely a positive thing. As far as our relationship goes, I (like to) think it assisted in at least providing some proof that I do care, and that I am capable of seriousness when it is called for. We did also manage to locate the source of the tension.
Unfortunately, it was here that we struck a problem. If the issue had been merely boredom, the potential solutions would have been vast - options abound both inside and outside the headspace. However, what Alex missed was the one thing I did not, and do not, feel certain I can provide: his sister. It is not only her absence that he is all too conscious of, but the fact that while he is here there is no chance to do anything towards finding and helping her, and for someone as dedicated as Alex it is a position that gradually grew to near-unbearable levels, thus sparking the frustration.
For the most part, I would be more than happy to have his sister here. There are a few small worries that come up, some more selfish than others, and also the very real problem that it may turn out to be an impossibility. I do not adopt headmates to the degree of Alex frequently or easily, and not every character I connect to makes it to a potential stage, let alone a fully-fledged one.
Nonetheless, I believe we aim to try. It's hard to deny him this when I'm more than aware of just how much she means to him, so as of yet our main problem revolves around how. Discussion with friends has lead to several potential starting points, and Alex himself has abruptly become absent - I can only hope he is doing some investigation of his own, for although he is within his rights to, I must admit I'd be sad if he chose to vacate for good.
As for myself, there are a few exercises I'm going to try, namely around the headspace and the character of the sister; in a sense, trying to make the former accepting of the latter. I have not interacted with my headspace a great deal, so this exercise is clumsy at best, but hopefully will get easier as I go on.
Operation: Family Reunion is go.
It turned out to be largely a positive thing. As far as our relationship goes, I (like to) think it assisted in at least providing some proof that I do care, and that I am capable of seriousness when it is called for. We did also manage to locate the source of the tension.
Unfortunately, it was here that we struck a problem. If the issue had been merely boredom, the potential solutions would have been vast - options abound both inside and outside the headspace. However, what Alex missed was the one thing I did not, and do not, feel certain I can provide: his sister. It is not only her absence that he is all too conscious of, but the fact that while he is here there is no chance to do anything towards finding and helping her, and for someone as dedicated as Alex it is a position that gradually grew to near-unbearable levels, thus sparking the frustration.
For the most part, I would be more than happy to have his sister here. There are a few small worries that come up, some more selfish than others, and also the very real problem that it may turn out to be an impossibility. I do not adopt headmates to the degree of Alex frequently or easily, and not every character I connect to makes it to a potential stage, let alone a fully-fledged one.
Nonetheless, I believe we aim to try. It's hard to deny him this when I'm more than aware of just how much she means to him, so as of yet our main problem revolves around how. Discussion with friends has lead to several potential starting points, and Alex himself has abruptly become absent - I can only hope he is doing some investigation of his own, for although he is within his rights to, I must admit I'd be sad if he chose to vacate for good.
As for myself, there are a few exercises I'm going to try, namely around the headspace and the character of the sister; in a sense, trying to make the former accepting of the latter. I have not interacted with my headspace a great deal, so this exercise is clumsy at best, but hopefully will get easier as I go on.
Operation: Family Reunion is go.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
With a Little Flourish
Me: You're lucky, man. I was totally going to have you put your hands on your hips and huff about the lack of soup like an old woman.
Alex: ...I would never do that.
Me: Well they don't know that.
The restart of the roleplay Alex was originally created for always seems to bring us a little closer together, if only so he can make attempts on my life should I be straying wildly off character.
Alex: ...I would never do that.
Me: Well they don't know that.
The restart of the roleplay Alex was originally created for always seems to bring us a little closer together, if only so he can make attempts on my life should I be straying wildly off character.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Definitive
According to the old-fashioned, traditionalist definition of soulbonding, I apparently have soulbonds out the wahzoo. This...amuses me immensely. But honestly, for me to relate strongly to a character is very frequent, particularly if they are one of my own. Considering how much time I spend trying to get inside their minds I'd be a little disappointed if I didn't succeed in some way.
Nonetheless, there doesn't seem to be any real point in listing and labelling what I tended to refer to as 'flickers' - a flicker of thought, emotion, existence - given that Alex himself is an unreliable source of interest.
Nonetheless, there doesn't seem to be any real point in listing and labelling what I tended to refer to as 'flickers' - a flicker of thought, emotion, existence - given that Alex himself is an unreliable source of interest.
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Blinders
Me: -Unhooking bra to get ready for shower- So Alex, do-
Alex: NO DON'T TALK TO ME RIGHT NOW.
It seems communication enhances his perception of the 'outside world' as it were, and this is not always so desired. That perhaps explains why he tends to be even more reclusive during my menstruation cycle, and flat-out refused to respond when I had food-poisoning.
Alex: NO DON'T TALK TO ME RIGHT NOW.
It seems communication enhances his perception of the 'outside world' as it were, and this is not always so desired. That perhaps explains why he tends to be even more reclusive during my menstruation cycle, and flat-out refused to respond when I had food-poisoning.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Tweaking
Making adjustments to a character is suddenly more difficult when that character is there. And particularly when the character is not overly keen on sharing information himself. I think part of the problem is neither Alex nor I really see him as a different entity to the character itself; therefore any changes on one's behalf still has an effect on the other. This makes me a little wary about getting anything 'wrong', because there is now a 'wrong' when he's here to correct me. It's now a matter of negotiation and insistent questioning than "Hey, it might be better if this was like that."
On the other hand Alex does sometimes supply information on his own and save me the trouble. Sometimes.
On the other hand Alex does sometimes supply information on his own and save me the trouble. Sometimes.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Fronting
Fronting is a fairly interesting phenomenan, but I can't say I have a lot of experience with it. Some people seem like they can flick mentalities with little more than a twitch of their pinkies, but I can wriggle my whole body around and still remain firmly settled within it. Admittedly I don't try particularly hard. I'm kind of attached to my body, what with it being mine. And how is one supposed to go about trying to boot the main mind out of the front seat anyway? It doesn't help that neither Alex nor Killy actually desire to front - Alex doesn't really want to walk around in a teenage female's body, and Killy is effectively me anyway, though there have been reported cases of daemons fronting.
In the end, the few times fronting occurs, it tends to be a) very brief, and b) initiated by accident. Apparently I need to take myself by surprise in order to surrender control. The most recent, and at the time of this post most significant, incident took place two mornings ago. I'd had a dream in which I was Alex - it was as nonsensical as any other, so just a standard dream rather than a memory. (Unless Alex has been chased by rampaging somethings through a shopping mall and neglected to mention it.) I can only assume this meant I was still kind of in his frame of mind when I woke up, probably helped by the fact I was naturally rather dozy. Normally when I wake I rub at my face with fingers or knuckles; that morning, I did a firm swipe from forehead to chin with my palm. Not a very dramatic moment of fronting, I know, but it startled me all the same, because it felt unnatural and masculine. The oddness was enough to snap me back into control.
So for my 'most significant' moment it was decidedly uneventful. Curious, but uneventful. At least I have very few fears about Alex burning the house down via my body if all he can manage is a sleepy face-wipe.
In the end, the few times fronting occurs, it tends to be a) very brief, and b) initiated by accident. Apparently I need to take myself by surprise in order to surrender control. The most recent, and at the time of this post most significant, incident took place two mornings ago. I'd had a dream in which I was Alex - it was as nonsensical as any other, so just a standard dream rather than a memory. (Unless Alex has been chased by rampaging somethings through a shopping mall and neglected to mention it.) I can only assume this meant I was still kind of in his frame of mind when I woke up, probably helped by the fact I was naturally rather dozy. Normally when I wake I rub at my face with fingers or knuckles; that morning, I did a firm swipe from forehead to chin with my palm. Not a very dramatic moment of fronting, I know, but it startled me all the same, because it felt unnatural and masculine. The oddness was enough to snap me back into control.
So for my 'most significant' moment it was decidedly uneventful. Curious, but uneventful. At least I have very few fears about Alex burning the house down via my body if all he can manage is a sleepy face-wipe.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Standard Greetings
Hello, and welcome to To Be Perceived. The name is an attempt at being clever, referring to one philosophy's stance on existence - to be is to be perceived.
Chances are you've found this place via the home site, but for safety's sake we'll list a few basic points of interest here. This blog will form a compilation of musings, anecdotes, and reflections regarding personal experiences in both daemonism and soulbonding. (For information on daemonism please see here, and for information on soulbonding please wander in that direction.)
I'm Winger, and I'll most likely be the narrator for a majority of the time, being the original and base person. Kilmaeyon, or Killy, is my generally coyote-formed daemon. And Alex is a post-apocalyptic character who became solid enough to hold his own. We're a mismatched trio in some ways, but we all get along well enough to not cause too much mental chaos.
And then sometimes stuff happens. Hope it's of interest.
Chances are you've found this place via the home site, but for safety's sake we'll list a few basic points of interest here. This blog will form a compilation of musings, anecdotes, and reflections regarding personal experiences in both daemonism and soulbonding. (For information on daemonism please see here, and for information on soulbonding please wander in that direction.)
I'm Winger, and I'll most likely be the narrator for a majority of the time, being the original and base person. Kilmaeyon, or Killy, is my generally coyote-formed daemon. And Alex is a post-apocalyptic character who became solid enough to hold his own. We're a mismatched trio in some ways, but we all get along well enough to not cause too much mental chaos.
And then sometimes stuff happens. Hope it's of interest.
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