Shredded Files

I've long resigned myself to the fact that TDF-2 has been all but swallowed by the internet and its content largely lost forever, but I cannot help but be pained by it sometimes. It held, after all, roughly my first year of daemonism? Perhaps longer. It held all the little moments, all my mistakes and errors and growth. I joined the forum only a month or so after first discovering the concept, so while at least the community was spared my initial embarrassing flick between 'settled' forms, it snapshotted most other events.

It would be nice to have a solid record of how the times have changed. There is TDF-1, yes, and TDF-3/4 span across a substantial distance, but it's not quite the same as being able to map my own changes. If nothing else, reminders of my own follies might reinforce the need to be patient with those new to daemonism nowadays!

Mammalian Scalian

Hmm. Haven't posted to here for a while. Honestly, there's been very little worth noting; while a few things have happened here and there, occurances on the inside can be so fluid I'm rather wary of making any definitive statements lest the situation change two days later. I can say for certain that Alex has been quiet for a long time now. A permanent change? I'm not sure.

Killy's also mostly abandoned kingfisher, but hasn't returned to favouring coyote. Instead he has picked up Cameroon scaly-tail, a fuzzy-tailed rodent with scales at the base of its tail. I will say that these smaller forms are a relief when it comes to crowds, given that I'm no longer imagining a largish canine squeezing itself through impossible gaps.

Linguistical

Lately I've been having a number of gripes with terminology across both the daemonism and soulbonding spheres, and it's beginning to get rather frustrating. It is difficult to talk about concepts so founded in abstract if you aren't certain of the words, or the meaning they'll have to people.

Daemonism isn't so much of a problem for the most part. There is an accepted set of terms shared by the community, which is helped along by the fact that there is really only one main community. Some words are used far less than others, but the core terms remain a constant. Unfortunately, I have come to quibble with the specific definition of one of the most fundamental terms - 'settled'. At some point I once decided that there were two parts that made up settledness: a personality stable enough that it is likely to be much the same decades from now, and an animal form that accurately represents that personality. I have the latter...but am reluctant to claim the former. But at the same time, if I can apply a form, a form that has fit me for some time now and seems to only continue doing so, am I being overcautious? I am not settled form unknown, I do not wish to call myself settled, and yet I am not unsettled. It's come to the point where I've essentially dropped the term entirely when it comes to talking about myself, which can be difficult in certain conversations.

In contrast, soulbonding - and I use even that word uncertainly - provides a great deal more strife as it is a veritable minefield of words and phrases that are completely inconsistent. Unlike daemonism, there is no central community, and thus no set terminology. The word 'soulbonding' means different things depending on which group or, hell, which individual you talk to. The same goes for 'headmate', 'flickerbond', 'muse', and a dozen other terms. 'Fronting' has been referred to as 'channelling' and at least once 'roleplaying'. A 'headspace' could just as easily be a 'headscape' or a 'soulscape'. And this is without attempting to delve into the myriad of personal terms people develop, possibly as a result of others to turn to.

I (mostly) know what happens within my mind, but it becomes increasingly harder to know how to explain it to others. Naturally, I could work out my own set of terms - and, in some ways, have already begun to out of sheer necessity, considering how often I reference 'flickers' - but I can't help but think this only compounds the problem.

Unfortunately, it's not as though I can rally the soulbonding communities and demand set terms. There are too many different beliefs and experiences squashed under that one umbrella.

'Tis the Season

No, no I could not think of a more original title.

There are two main areas within my headspace that I access. One is set in the middle of a forest, surrounded by greenery and a small stream. This is the area in which the postbox is located, situated neatly as it is in what we generally refer to as Little Tree. The second area is a strip of beach, hemmed in by cliffs with a lighthouse visible in the distance.

As December approaches, I took a customary wander around the areas to see if anything was new. The postbox was empty - but as I backed away from it I could not help but do a double-take. "Was...was Little Tree always shaped like a Christmas tree?" Killy shrugged. "'Tis the season."

As if this weren't surreal enough, a visit to the beach reduced me to a disbelieving stare. Perched cheerfully atop the lighthouse was very distinctly an enormous, bright red Santa hat.

"Oh now that's just not possible!"
"It is your mind."
"But-"
"I dunno, I kind of like it."

King of the River

Killy has taken the common kingfisher as his primary form for the past three days now. Neither of us seem particularly certain as to why beyond his own thoughtful comment that he "liked the headfluff crest thing". It's interesting having a form capable of fitting in a majority of places, I will say that; on my desk, perching on the seat rest in front of me while on the bus, tucked against my shoulder in a crowd...I was able to visualise him consistently while at work for what may well be the first time ever, for he was able to perch within my line of 'sight'.

One Day Nearer to Dying

The headspace gave me a pillow for my birthday. Not a fancy pillow, merely a plain white one. I've stopped trying to make sense of anything it does, ever.

Fake Moustaches and Glasses

Within the daemian community, Indy suggested an activity wherein each day we organise to swap forms with another member. It's nice to note it has been a resounding success; even daemons who are normally reluctant and uncomfortable with changing forms, like my Killy, seem to be getting into the swing of things, as evidenced by the mongoose sitting on my desk.

For amusement's sake, I present you with my week's schedule. (Thursday is absent as I'd like to be myself on my birthday.)

Sat: Dingo
Sun: Slender mongoose
Mon: Axolotl
Tues: Blue Jay
Wed: Raccoon
Fri: Ibizian hound