doppelgangers

Corporeality has never been of huge concern to either my daemon or myself - I could dig up a forum post made several years back in which Killy presented a rare speech that effectively said he was incorporeal because he was meant to be incorporeal, so lusting after some sort of physical presence would not just be lusting after corporeality, but a whole different system of operating. That's not to say I've never considered what it would be like, given that such musings can be a lot of fun. I've just never felt a great deal of grief over the way things are.

However, I recently realised that when wistfulness does rear its head, it's usually in consideration of how it would affect the way people perceive me. This seems a bit odd as, although I'm not the most secretive person I know, I do tend to be a bit touchy about who knows what, and perhaps I wouldn't be as prone to these grumblings if my settled form was that of a teeny tiny ladybug.

As it is, my settled form is a predator of reasonable size, and it's easy to imagine the ways that could come in handy. Many a night of wandering down dark paths after a late lecture at university has seemed like it would be less nerve-wracking if there was a solid presence at my side with a mouthful of teeth. Confronting a misbehaving child seems like it would be simpler if my daemon were able to calmly sit on theirs. Flattened ears and a low growl would be a better indicator of genuine anger than my own flustered prattlings.

Of course there are flaws to these notions as well, and they never will be anything more than idle thoughts. Some might even wish to ask that if my inner self is so inherently threatening, how come I can't express that myself? To that I ruefully point out that mouthful of teeth or not, coyotes are nervous little scrappers. The only reason my offsider would enhance my supposed intimidation factor at all is that it would be 'operated' by the part of me that is composed, confident, and not inclined to take crap - namely, Killy.

a rose by any other name would be a tulip

I'm not sure why it has taken me so long to realise this, but it occurred to me recently that my primary pseudonym - Winger - and my daemon's name - Kilmaeyon - came about in a similar way. Both were adapted from/inspired by a fictional source, both were originally intended to be applied to characters of my own creation, and both were later snatched up when I suddenly found myself in need of a name for the new little voice in my mind and a less stalkable identity.

If I ever doubted the opportunistic scavenger aspect...

it might have been parasitic

Me: Argh, the bread has mould! And I already ate a slice of it!
Killy: I'm sure the folk who would consider themselves fortunate to have an entire loaf of slightly mouldy bread at their disposal really feel for you right now.
Me: Did you really just whip out the 'there are starving kids in Africa' line?
Killy: *straightface*
Me: ...fine, alright, you have a point.
Killy: :)
Me: I'm still not eating the bread.
Killy: *STRAIGHTFACE*

So I guess, deep down, I am a very socially conscious person. It's just a shame all my shallow top-levels keep getting in the way.

The Confetti is Soggy Now

Oh, right - five years of daemonism as of last Wednesday.

I'm good at anniversaries.

Just Like Magic

Back when Jim first arrived, the abruptness of the whole affair left us both somewhat rattled. For some reason, I reacted to this by doing a lot of nervous chattering, which probably didn't help the situation all that much, but...well, neither of us were winning points for supreme eloquence. At one point, this exchange occurred:

Me: So I guess I'm sort of attracted to- uh, I mean, not physically attracted 'cause, no offense, but you're kinda old-
Jim: [indignant] I'm thirty-five!

At the time I took him at his word but never paid all that much attention to the information because I certainly didn't know what age the character was in canon. That was that until recently, when I remembered this talk and became curious enough to actually look the dates up. Imagine my surprise when I found out that the actor who plays Jim in the show he is sourced from - in effect, the man who is the exact physical double of him - would have indeed been thirty-five when we had that exchange.

It's almost as cool as the Charleston thing.

Beginner's Luck

It's a little strange. I don't think anyone thinks of me as anything but coyote (and if they do, they've been very unvocal about it despite my urgings). I don't really think of myself as anything but coyote. It's been nearly five years, a vast majority approves, and both Killy and I are very comfortable with the form.

That's not the strange bit. The strange bit is that I hold off taking on the title of settled because I don't think I'm old enough/have had a wide enough variety of life experiences, but should I one day decide that yes, alright, coyote is irrevocably It...I will technically be right back where I was when I so cockily declared myself a settled coyote at fifteen.

Is that a blow to the older-settling-age theory? Was it just luck? Am I an exception to the standard rule? Is there simply too much variation to determine anything more than a rough period in which settling is more likely to happen? I still hold that we lack sufficient stable data to draw solid conclusions, but I can't help but wonder these things from time to time.

A Special Kind of Fail

I have been intending to write an in-depth coyote analysis for so long now that it is genuinely ridiculous. I have books! Several of them! I have internet sites! I have almost five blasted years of experience!

I have nothing written.

It's rather amazing coyotes aren't extinct, if they're this adept at procrastinating. "I'm feeling a bit hungry, but...nah, I'll catch something later."